


The Three A's of College: Alcohol, Assumptions, and Avoidances

by jilliancares



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Accidental Outing, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Phandom Big Bang 2017, dan being The Most
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-18 10:16:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12386139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jilliancares/pseuds/jilliancares
Summary: Dan loves a lot of things about college. The only thing he really doesn’t like is his horrible roommate. (And when his best friend accidentally outs him to said horrible roommate, it becomes Dan’s life mission to avoid him).





	The Three A's of College: Alcohol, Assumptions, and Avoidances

**Author's Note:**

> I had a lot of fun writing this fic!! It’s been a while since I’ve had a good Avoidance Fic where someone (cough Dan cough) just totally assumes everything for the worst and takes things to the upmost level. 
> 
> A huge thank you to @crayolaphan on tumblr for being a wonderful beta!! There’s nothing like not having to worry about any glaring mistakes in your fic :’D
> 
> And here’s a link to the amazing playlist @paperchrysanthemums on tumblr made to accompany the fic!!: https://open.spotify.com/user/pugiey101/playlist/7MMQOG28RqO45WRyk0aG5B
> 
> I’ve been listening to it ever since they sent it to me and I’m all jittery with excitement because of it. It fits the fic perfectly and BAH! You’ll just have to listen to it my dudes!! Looking back now this fic seems incomplete without it :’]

Dan loved college. He loved almost everything about it, from the loud students traipsing past his dorms every day to the quiet ones studying in the middle of the night at the library. He loved his professors, loved the old ones that droned, whose classes constantly threatened to put Dan to sleep, and the young, energetic ones that spoke so fast Dan had trouble taking notes. He loved the parties and the students at the parties, the ones who were drunk out of their minds and slurring nonsensically and the quiet, sober ones along the walls, keeping careful watch over their careless friends. He loved the atmosphere, the air, the trees, the everything. Really, there was only one thing he  _didn’t_  love. **  
**

Phil Lester could probably be found under “asshole” in the dictionary. He seemed perfectly nice to other people, but to Dan he was always on his worst behavior, and so Dan was every bit as rude back. It’d started when they’d first met and had only escalated from there, had gotten to the point where they could hardly see each other without scrounging around in their heads for an insult they’d never used before. And, okay, maybe the start of their feud had been  _technically_  more Dan’s fault, but it wasn’t like he’d been  _trying_  to pick a fight or anything. He just happened to be curious!

Dan had walked into his dorm that first day and looked around. It’d been obvious that his roommate had already shown up and staked a claim. He’d snagged the bed closest to the door, his sheets spread over it and one of his bags tossed carelessly on top, though Dan didn’t mind—he liked being next to the window anyway. Their room hadn’t been too large, as no dorm room was, but they were lucky enough to have their very own bathroom.

Before Dan had come to school, when he’d first been assigned his roommate, they’d found each other on Facebook and exchanged a few words. Phil had seemed nice enough, had offered to bring in his Xbox when Dan said he’d be bringing his TV, and Dan had been sure they’d make fast friends. Boy, was he wrong.

Dan had taken his time setting up his stuff and making his bed, half-heartedly hoping that his roommate would return from wherever he’d disappeared to soon so that they could have proper introductions. He’d checked out the bathroom (small, cramped, with much too thin walls) and even started putting away his clothes. All of this had been, of course, before a quiet ding had echoed through the room. Immediately alert, Dan had stood and spun to face Phil’s pile of stuff—and yes, there, sitting atop his partially open bag was his cellphone.

Curiosity fueled Dan, and unable to help himself, not even really thinking about what he was doing, he crossed the room and picked up the device.  **All set?**  read the text at the top of the lock screen from some person named Martyn (with the sunglasses emoji beside his name). There were two texts below it, the first reading  **Hey you meet your roommate yet?**  and the second  **Stop ignoring me it’s gay**. Dan’s eyes had widened and he’d swallowed uncomfortably.

Was that it? Phil was one of those people who might use gay as an insult? Or at least, his friend, this Martyn guy, did. And didn’t that suggest that Phil did too? Or at least didn’t mind it? Stupidly, Dan felt a little dizzy at that revelation. He was going to be  _living_  with this Phil guy. With a homophobe! Maybe he wasn’t actively one, sneering and snarling at every gay person he met, but enough of one to be mildly grossed out or at least unsettled to be in the presence of one, much less  _sharing a room_  with one.

Already, Dan was glad of his choice to stay in the closet at this college. In high school he’d let a few choice people know about his preferences, and somehow the news had spread, had become known and he’d become  _that gay kid_ , the one that stupid boys found enjoyment in picking on, for some reason. Was Phil like one of those boys?

Dan had tried to shake it off. It didn’t matter, anyway. No one at his school was going to find out about his sexuality, not after all he’d been through in high school. This was a new start for him, a new beginning, and he wasn’t going to fuck it up so royally before it even began. He’d just lay low, he’d make peace with his homophobic roommate and try not to appear like he was sickened just to be living with him.

“What are you doing?” someone had said suddenly from behind Dan, and he’d spun, his heart located somewhere up in his throat. He was still holding Phil’s phone. “Is that my phone?”

“Yes,” Dan had said. “Um, you got a text.”

“Okay,” the person, presumably Phil, had said slowly. “I don’t normally let people read my texts.”

“Right. Sorry,” Dan had managed, but already his blood had been boiling under his skin, and he’d felt his eyes lowering into a glare. Dan had left the room after that, trying to walk off his anger, but he just hadn’t been able to shake it. When he’d seen Phil later that night, he’d snapped at him, and Phil had snapped back. Really, everything after that had been history.

It’d been months since then, and Dan had become quite comfortable in the schedule of his daily life. He woke up in the mornings, always before Phil, and quickly got ready for the day. If Phil was awake by the time he emerged from the shower, they usually glared at each other, too tired to exchange insults. After that Dan was quick to make his way out of the room. He spent as little time in it as possible, as seeing less of Phil Lester was, generally, better.

By the time he was done with classes, meals, and begging his best friend Casey to let him spend the night (and being rejected, most of the time), he made his way back to his dorm room. Phil was usually already there, and even if Dan had, at some point during the day, decided that he wasn’t going to antagonize Phil that day, it never really worked. Sometimes Dan started it, sometimes Phil did, but either way they ended up arguing and snipping at each other, picking at each other’s weaknesses and insecurities. Going to sleep was always a relief, if only because it was a brief respite from being in Phil’s presence.

“You ready, Dan?” Casey said now, glancing over her shoulder as she dug through her dresser. They hadn’t known each other before this year and had become fast friends, the kind that couldn’t believe they’d only been friends for as long as they had. Despite Dan’s internal promise to keep his sexuality a secret from everyone at this school, he couldn’t manage it with Casey. She seemed the type to be a life-long friend, and he didn’t want to make that kind of commitment with a homophobe. Luckily when he’d told her she’d responded likewise.

“Well, bi, actually,” she’d corrected. “Everyone at this school’s really accepting, you know,” she’d promised. “I’m out to everyone.”

“Oh really?” Dan had said in that faux interested way, as if he wanted to hear more but really whatever she said wasn’t going to change his mind. And it hadn’t.

Now, he said, “Yep,” to her inquiry. He was lounging on her bed, scrolling through twitter on his phone. “You’re the one who hasn’t been ready.”

“I’m just making sure you’re really wearing that.”

“What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?”

“I’m joking!” Casey laughed, tugging her shoe on with one hand as her other scrambled over her dresser for something. It was lipstick, and when she found it she uncapped it and applied it expertly with one hand. “Let’s go!”

There was a big party going on tonight, though not for any particular reason. There never really was a reason, other than the fact that they were at college and had booze. Dan didn’t go all the time, he didn’t party nearly as much as Casey, who could tell from a distance whether they should even even bother to cross the threshold of a house.

Luckily, this party actually did turn out to be good, in her opinion, at least. They’d had to leave campus in order to get to it; most of the good parties were, seeing as they lived on a dry campus, not that that stopped any of them anyway.

Casey tugged Dan through the party, shouting greetings to people and smiling at friends that Dan didn’t know. They made their way to the kitchen where they both managed to get a drink.

“Sure you can handle that?” said someone snidely in Dan’s ear. It surprised him, making him jump. He spun around, his heart pounding, and his stare morphed into a glare when he saw exactly who was talking to him.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Dan snapped. Casey groaned. She insisted that their feud was idiotic and the result of two boys living in one room together without either having gotten laid in too long.

“I’ve never even had sex,” Dan had protested when she’d first introduced this theory.

“Exactly!” she’d exclaimed. “That’s  _way_  too long.”

“It means that you’re a lightweight,” Phil said with a shrug, nodding his head towards Dan’s drink. This was true, but Dan didn’t really get how Phil knew that. After this drink Dan would probably be feeling pretty tipsy, and after another two he’d be stupid the rest of the night.

“Says you,” Dan snapped, and Phil shrugged elegantly. It wasn’t fair that someone who was such an asshole could look so good, but then, nothing about Phil was fair, so maybe it made sense.

“Come on,” Casey insisted, pulling on Dan’s hand and urging him away from Phil, away from a fight.

“He’s such an asshole,” Dan grumbled.

“Yeah, yeah,” Casey said, appeasing him. “Just ignore him, alright?”

“Kind of hard to do when he comes up and talks to me,” Dan pointed out, but he went ignored.

The party was as fun as they always were, meaning it was loud and hot and Dan ended up drinking too much, as usual. To the point where he was considering standing closer to a bathroom, just in case.

“Think we should go soon,” Dan murmured into Casey’s ear some hours later, before leaning down to rest his head on his shoulder.

“You’re right. Dan, you’re so right,” she enthused, and then she was grabbing his hand and leading him out of the party. Dan hated falling asleep at them, as many others were wont to do. He hated waking up on an unfamiliar couch surrounded by unfamiliar people and feeling like he had to apologize everyone in the vicinity for anything stupid he might’ve done the night before.

“Phil’ll prob’ly sleep there,” Dan slurred as they walked back across campus, trying not to look anything but entirely sober to any onlookers. His arm was slung around Casey, because although she was significantly shorter than him and had consumed significantly more alcohol, he was having a much harder time walking in a straight line. “So you wanna sleep over?”

“If you were any other boy I’d say no,” Casey sighed, patting him on the chest. “But yes! And we can get iHop when we wake up.” Dan, who was still not entirely sure about the state of his dietary track, grimaced at the thought of ever consuming food.

“Sounds good,” Dan agreed regardless.

They continued to carefully make their way across campus, surprisingly succeeded in not stumbling all over the place. By the time they made it to his dorm, Dan was feeling pretty proud of himself.

He unlocked the door with his key and flung it open carelessly, stepping inside with Casey at his heels. And then he froze.

“Thought he wouldn’t be here,” he whispered aloud, more out of forgetfulness than how to think silently than anything else. Phil grimaced, his eyes sweeping over Dan and Casey alike.

“Sorry,” he said coldly, sitting atop the covers on his bed with a book in hand. “You two can’t have sex in here. Ever.”

Casey burst out laughing, and Phil regarded her with a raised eyebrow. Dan felt himself tense, a trickle of worry creeping up his spine.

“O-okay,” Casey giggled, pressing her hand to her mouth as noises of amusement continued to spill out of her. Her eyes were alight with mirth.

“Yeah, ha ha,” Dan joined in. “That’d be totally crazy ‘cause we’re just friends.”

“Pffft!” Casey exclaimed, and Dan was breathing quicker now, his pulse probably visible at the base of his throat. “Can’t be sure you’d be able to get it up for me either!” she laughed, reaching over to smack Dan amicably on the shoulder. Dan froze, his cheeks tinting red. Phil look interested. Dan felt entirely too drunk for this.

“You have…  _trouble_ … in bed?” Phil said, sounding delighted. Dan wanted to protest, but that would mean explaining why else he might have trouble “getting it up” for Casey.

Unfortunately, Casey went ahead and cleared it up for him.

“No!” she laughed, everything infinitely more amusing in her drunken state. Dan, on the other hand, was starting to feel sober. “He wouldn’t really be  _entertained_  by any girls in general.”

This finally cleared up one thing for Dan: he  _was_  feeling sick. Nausea swept through his stomach, making him wish he was leant over a toilet already. The look of understanding on Phil’s face only furthered Dan’s surety that he would throw up. He wasn’t even sure he was breathing.

“Come on,” Dan bit out, his face hot, as he grabbed Casey’s arm and dragged her out the door. He spared one last look for Phil, who’s mouth was open and eyes wide, before he slammed the door behind him and began marching down the hall.

Anger coursed through him as much as embarrassment did. He felt ashamed and weak, his biggest secret laid bare in front of Phil, his greatest rival. Phil would probably never let this go. He’d tease Dan about it and call him names and make him feel inadequate in every way. Oh God, he was never going to be able to go back there, to face Phil, ever again!

“I can’t believe you  _did that_ ,” Dan hissed, stopping in the middle of the hall and turning to glare at Casey. She frowned, her eyes wide and already filling with tears.

“Did what?”

“Casey! You’re the only one who knows that I’m—” he lowered his voice, “ _gay_. And you just told Phil! The one person who’s mean to me every single day!”

Casey’s mouth dropped open, and now tears really did spill from her eyes. “Oh. Oh my God Dan—I just, I don’t know what I was doing! I wasn’t thinking at all, I totally forgot. I’m so sorry!”

“Whatever,” Dan muttered. He walked Casey the rest of the way to her dorm, where she invited him to stay the night, which he refused. Instead, he walked around campus in the middle of the night, around and around and around. He was still walking long past the time he’d sobered up, the sun starting to peak over the horizon, the sky lightening in the distance.

He didn’t have any classes until noon but he could make do until then. He’d maybe do another lap or two of the campus before going to get breakfast. And by then the library would be open, where he could hide and possibly for the rest of the morning until class.

—

Operation: Avoid Phil at All Costs was going great. It’d been exactly six days and four hours since the great Moment of Outing and Dan had seen neither Phil nor Casey during that time, much to his own doing. He’d had a lot of time in the library, after all, and with free access to pencil and papers he’d been able to draw out a schedule for himself.

He’d drawn himself up an entire schedule for operating around this giant bump in the road. Thankfully he knew when Phil had his classes, due to having already lavished in the moments during which Phil hadn’t been present in their room before, so he knew at what times he’d be able to sneak in and out of his dorm. Sleeping in there was out of the question, obviously, so Dan had taken to simply not sleeping. He walked laps at night or sat on benches or under trees with his phone that he had to charge sparsely during the day. The moment the library was open, he stole inside of it and snuck into the dark recesses for naps.

After the third day of wearing the same clothes he’d finally put his knowledge of Phil’s classes into action, using an hour of Phil being out of the dorm to sneak in, shower, and change. He’d already gone ahead and bought himself a toothbrush that he’d been using in a starbucks bathroom.

The more time Dan spent avoiding his dorm, the easier it got. For example, Dan realized that the librarians didn’t exactly do the best job locking up, meaning he could unlock a window during the day and crawl back into the building through it during the night. This was a great discovery for him, meaning he no longer had to walk and loiter for hours and hours and could just curl up on a blush beanbag and sleep through the night.

Still, avoiding Casey had been essential as well. Mainly because he was annoyed with her to the ends of the earth and had no desire to see her face anytime soon. She still texted him a lot though, apologizing and asking him to please come see her, all of which he ignored. Once she’d caught sight of him across a courtyard and had gave chase. Dan had only managed to escape through use of the library, a building that he now knew the layout of so well he could draw it in his sleep.

It wasn’t until the seventh day of Operation: Avoid Phil at All Costs that something finally went wrong. He strolled into his dorm during Phil’s Intro to Psychology class and froze, spotting Phil sitting in his desk chair, staring straight at the door.

Phil was looking at him. Dan was standing completely still, almost as if by not moving Phil wouldn’t be able to see him.

“Dan,” Phil said. Dan turned around and started sprinting.

He only made it three steps out the door, because Phil had leapt out of the chair after him. He wrapped his arms around Dan’s torso and pulled him kicking and screaming back into their dorm, slamming the door shut behind them. Dan felt inclined to wonder why the fuck no one else on their hall had thought to question his screams even a little bit, just enough to crack open their door and see who exactly was about to get murdered.

“Stop… struggling!” Phil grunted, still maintaining hold on Dan.

“Let go of me!” Dan rebutted. He was expecting to get thrown to the ground and kicked at any moment and any form of escape was optimal, really.

“Only if you don’t run away.”

“Fine!”

Phil let go of him and Dan shot out of his arms, leaning against the wall and panting. He glared at Phil. “I thought you had Psych right now.”

“I do,” Phil said simply.

“You’re skipping class?”

“ _You’re_  avoiding me.”

“Well  _yeah_!” Dan exclaimed. “We hate each other. I avoid you, sometimes.”  _I’m gay and you’re homophobic._

“You haven’t slept in your bed in a week!”

Dan swallowed, looking away from Phil. He just wanted to get out of here already. “Look. What do you want?”

“I want you to stop being  _weird_ ,” Phil muttered.

Dan flinched, his face flaring red. Phil scoffed.

“ _And_  I want you to stop thinking I’m homophobic, for some reason! I don’t care that you’re gay! Nobody would care!”

“But I—but you…”

“ _What_?”

Dan turned his head, glaring in the direction of his bed. He  _did_  miss it. His back had been hurting the past two days from sleeping on that beanbag. “Whatever.”

“So we’re good?” Phil said tentatively.

“When have we ever been good?” Dan scoffed. Except… he wasn’t really panicking, anymore. And that was good. Maybe Phil really wasn’t homophobic. He thought back to the beginning of the year, to the text he’d seen on Phil’s phone, and wondered if that’d been a fluke. Or if it’d been a douche friend. Or if it’d been a gay guy, really. Dan called things gay all the time, but only because he  _could_. It wasn’t offensive when he did it, seeing as he was gay.

“You’ll stop avoiding me like the plague at least?” Phil said. His arms were crossed, his eyes concentrated on Dan. Instead of answering him, Dan crossed the room and plopped onto his bed, letting out a groan. He was asleep in less than a minute.

—

Phil was staring at him.

He was doing it a lot, actually. Half the time they were in the room together Dan would catch Phil staring at him, out of the corner of his eye if not outright. He wanted to bitch at him to stop staring at him so often but was afraid of what Phil would do. What if he just turned around and starting being a dick to Dan for being gay? Even though he hadn’t even hinted towards doing that once, and seemed to have perfectly good morals in that sense…

They still argued all the time. They insulted each other often and glared and fought over the other taking too long in the shower. But also, if it was at all possible, they were getting along more. They weren’t arguing  _all_  the time, anyway. Sometimes when Dan snorted at something he’d seen on the internet, Phil would hum questioningly, and Dan would hand over his laptop to show him the meme. Sometimes Phil, surprisingly, brought him a burrito from Taco Bell for dinner. Sometimes they said good morning when they woke up and sometimes Dan asked Phil if he needed anything washed because he had extra room in his laundry.

And sometimes Dan wanted to rip Phil’s head off because he was  _fucking staring at him again_. Dan had stopped avoiding the dorm so much, and so had Phil, ever since their big confrontation. So often times they were both in there, doing their own things. Dan would be writing an essay as Phil studied and Phil, for some unknown reason, would decide that staring at Dan was a better pastime.

Dan couldn’t figure out what it meant. Was he seeing him differently, now that he knew Dan was gay? Trying to see if he  _looked_  gay, perhaps?

So Dan tried to ignore it. He didn’t draw attention to the fact that he knew Phil was doing it, and whenever he was alone he basked in the attention he didn’t have from Phil.

Like now, for example. Very much basking in his aloneness. Under the blankets. With his pants kicked down to the end of the bed.

His eyes fluttered shut as he ran his hand over his cock. He hadn’t really had any time to do this recently, what with his week of avoiding Phil and his subsequent kind of truce with him. Time when he was alone in the room was rare and so he was using it to his advantage.

It was hot under the blankets and so he kicked them to the end of the bed, stretching out and tilting his head back as he worked over himself. His breathing was loud in his ears as he began to play with the head, his thumb and forefinger working against the sensitive tip. The muscles in his stomach and thighs clenched sporadically as he did this, his other hand digging into his own hipbones, pretending it was someone else.

“Um.”

Dan gasped, his eyes flying open in a panic as he saw Phil standing in the doorway. He had his blankets pulled over his waist, and then his head, in two seconds flat. He curled into a ball, his own breathing and heartbeat loud all around him, and had to resist the urge to scream.

“Oh my God,” he said finally. He would never live this down. “Oh my God. I’m so sorry I just—fuck. I thought you were at Psych?”

“I was skipping,” Phil answered, his voice higher pitched than usual.

“I think I’m just gonna kill myself now,” Dan said from under the blanket. He was still hard. He wanted death.

“I mean, it’s not really a big deal,” Phil answered. “We all do it, you know? I mean, hell, you could keep doing it.”

“I— _what_?” If Dan’s head had been out of the blanket he would’ve seen Phil swallow nervously. Would’ve seen him adjust himself, already hard in his jeans.

“I was just saying, like. It wouldn’t be a big deal, you know?”

“Me masturbating with you in the room wouldn’t be a big deal,” Dan said flatly.

“Yeah.”

Dan thought about it for approximately three seconds. “Nope,” he decided. “No, yeah, it’s weird. That’s weird.”

“Guys, like, masturbate together all the time.”

“Straight guys?”

“Um…”

“Because that sounds pretty gay to me. And I’m gay. I would know.”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

“So are you going to?”

“Going to what?”

“Keep… masturbating.”

Dan was staring at his blankets incredulously, trying to make his expression transport itself through the solid material so Phil could see it. And then, a stupid, impossible thought formed at the back of his mind. And that thought coupled itself to all the staring Phil had been doing lately. And then that thought became not only a thought, but a thing that Dan was actually  _saying_. “Do you want me to?”

There was a long pause. And then Phil cleared his throat. And then… “Maybe?”

Dan thought about it. His mind did a kind of mental checklist of the fact that Phil was hot, and could be actually very sweet when he wasn’t being an ass, and that he made Dan laugh sometimes. And then his cock throbbed, reminding him that he was horny, which was pretty much a decision maker for him.

“Fine. I will,” he said. He thought he heard Phil breath a shaky sigh of relief. “If you do it too.”

He expected Phil to say something. Maybe ‘ _what_!’ or ‘‘never mind’ or ‘that’s kind of gay’. What he  _didn’t_  expect was to hear the sound of jeans unzipping. And then his  _bed sinking with Phil’s weight._

“Um. Are you gonna stay under there?” Phil asked.

Dan was still kind of trying to comprehend the fact that Phil was about to masturbate with him. And he also kind of wanted it to be happening  _right now immediately_  and so he scrambled out of the blankets, kicking them to the bottom of the bed and trying to ignore the fact that his hair was probably now going in every which direction.

Phil was also pantsless, thankfully, and his face was just as red as Dan’s. His hand was already on his cock—also a good sign—and he was staring at Dan openmouthed. Dan stayed where he was now sitting, put his hand back on his cock, and stroked.

Phil imitated him, and then they were both staring at each other, eyes darting from one another’s faces to their cocks, hands moving over them quickly. Dan bucked into his own fist as he watched Phil, and Phil made a low moan in the back of his throat, which made heat rush up Dan’s chest.

Feeling slightly embarrassed but mostly just turned on, Dan pulled off his own shirt, making himself completely naked before Phil, who moaned again, eyes now roving all over Dan’s bare chest. It took him a couple more strokes of his own cock to rid himself of his shirt as well. And then he was blinking up at Dan, asking, “Can I touch you?”

“Y-yeah,” Dan said, eyes wide and head nodding as he spoke. He let go of himself immediately, sitting back as Phil slid onto his knees, crawling closer to Dan. He spared a moment to touch Dan in other places, his cheek, his chest, his thigh… and then he was wrapping his hand around Dan’s cock.

Dan gasped, hand coming up to grip Phil’s shoulder immediately, unable to help the way he’d jerked into Phil’s fist at the first touch. Phil smirked at him, looking more like the Phil he was used to, cocky and arrogant. He twisted his hand over Dan, his eyes eating him up alive, taking in each and every one of his little reactions. Dan’s lips were wet, from licking over them so much, because otherwise they’d go dry as he was panting so loudly.

“Has no one ever touched you before?” Phil guessed, his smile wicked and excited and bright. Dan swallowed.

“I—um, how’d you guess?”

Phil flicked his thumb over Dan’s slit again and he whimpered, his fingers digging tighter into his shoulder.

“Just a hunch.”

“Fuck,” Dan whispered, pressing closer to him. All at once Phil was pressing closer to him, too, pushing him down on the bed and hovering over him, their arousals lined up, just barely, barely almost touching.

“You’re so hot,” Phil breathed.

“I never even knew you were gay,” Dan panted, his brain kind of turned to mush at this point.

“Bi, actually,” Phil corrected. And then he leaned down and kissed Dan, soft and slow and sweet. And then he grinded down against him, making Dan gasp, arching into him, and Phil was kissing him deeper.

Dan could barely do anything underneath him, which Phil seemed to be okay with, anyway. He thrusted against him strongly, easily, pressing Dan into the bed and stroking his sweaty torso occasionally. At one point he reached up and pinched Dan’s nipple, making him shudder underneath him. At another point he sucked on Dan’s collarbones, his tongue darting against apparently sensitive skin, and Dan shivered all over.

“Phil,” he panted, writhing and squirming underneath him. “I’m close.”

“Mm,” Phil murmured, moving to nuzzle against his ear. He breathed hotly against it, his tongue flicking against the shell of it. “Good,” he said lowly. And then Dan was coming, shuddering underneath him as he came, clinging to Phil and moaning, his cock twitching against Phil’s.

Phil kept grinding against him after, Dan’s cock immediately sensitive.

“Fuck,” Dan gasped, squirming beneath him, the feeling, the friction too much—

Phil moaned in his ear, jerking against him, and Dan held him tight, the both of them panting against one another. Phil kissed him when it was over, hummed contently, and rolled over and pulled Dan into his side. They were sticky and gross but it was still nice.

“Mmm,” Phil murmured against the back of his neck. Dan sighed, content. “It’s your turn to do dishes tonight.”

Dan stiffened in his arms. “I did the dishes last time.”

“But I did them two times before that.”

“I wasn’t even  _using_  the dishes then! I was avoiding you!”

“Even still,” Phil said, and then he was laughing, his breath spilling across Dan’s neck in a way that might turn him on again if they weren’t careful.

“Fine,” Phil finally said. “We can do them together.”

“I’m not doing them at all!” Dan protested, but Phil rolled them over, pinned him to the mattress, and grinned in his face.

“We’ll do them  _together_ ,” Phil said, and Dan groaned. “And then fuck over the counter.”

Dan blinked. Once. Twice. He cleared his throat.

“Deal.”


End file.
